My friend died... And I am sad.

 My friend died. And I am sad.

A friend of mine died on Friday. She was a good person. A mother. A wife. A daughter. A sister. A friend. A colleague. And an all-round really awesome and amazing human being. 

She died. And I'm alive. It feels unfair. Sometimes... The world feels unfair. 

This is not a post about religion, about world politics, about big things that matter to many people. It is a personal post. A post about my own feelings. Because I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm trying to understand why, when the death of a good person feels like it makes no sense. 

My friend died. A good, kind and loving person died. Someone who was loved by many. She really was a light to so many who knew her. Someone who always made an effort to make the world a better place, one kind act at a time. And she should still be here. She should. 

It feels wrong. It feels unfair. While I've cried a lot these past few days, I've also tried to make sense of her death. And to be honest: It makes no sense to me. Why did I live (when due to medical reasons, I could have, probably should have have died some eleven years ago and would have, if not for modern medicine and surgery to save my life), and why did she die? She was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend. And honestly... She was a better person than I am. I'm not always kind, caring, compassionate. I try to be, and fail. A lot. Sometimes, I don't even try. Often, what happens in my own head is more important to me in the moment than what happens to others, than what others feel, think, go through. 

But my friend... She didn't have a life that could be classified as 'wonderful and amazing'. She battled cancer. And yeah, she slayed it and LIVED. She dealt with her husband cheating on her while she was pregnant, finding out about it after giving birth. She lived in a country where, due to the colour of her skin, she was never fully accepted by everyone. Yet she lived. Yet she thrived. Yet she passed on her love of life, her compassion and her kindness, to her children and to those who knew her. And then she died. Not from cancer. Not due to complications from a pregnancy. Not because she wasn't a fighter, or mentally strong enough. But from a bacterial infection.

And those who knew her, they loved her. As I did. 

Those who knew her, they loved her. And they will miss her.

Now... My friend is dead. She leaves four young children, of which only two are old enough to have actual memories of their mother. She leaves a mother, siblings, a husband who will now have to raise four children alone, without his rock, without their rock. She leaves friends, colleagues, and so many people who knew her and whose lives she made better, just by being there, speaking kind words of encouragement, by smiling, by having a chat and showing them support. It is unfair. And I am sad.